Mary and Martha thoughts on a process of acceptance of the will of God

Luke 10:38-42

 

As I was meditating on this text for this week this reminded me of the “ Five stages of grief” by Kubler-Ross: “Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance

The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.

The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ‘s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss.”

Martha in our account for today seems to be going through these .  She went through denial.  “This first stage of grieving helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.

As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface”  She said to Jesus , “ Lord, is it no concern to thee that my sister has left me alone to serve?”   She was also distracted  ---literally means “ to draw around” 

Martha could not believe that Mary was spending more time with sitting at the feet of Jesus than helping her .  She was in denial.  Life gives us these times when we grow numb and “ wonder how we can go on , if we can go on , why we should go on..”

She certainly was angry.  She had that emotion.  That is why she took that feeling to Jesus to express that.   What do we do with our anger?  Hold it in?  “The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this?”  Anger held in is not healthy for us.  It can create all kind of depression, and destructive habits.  We can express our anger in good ways to take care of ourselves and others.  Martha was trying to deal with it.

She tried bargaining too.  Jesus listened to her complaint.  We get some kind of shock and find our way into bargaining.  If I had done this , then it would not have happened.  Only if I had known we think.  But as Christians we confess there is a sovereign God who works out all things to the good of His people and for His glory. Things happen because God overrules all and nothing escapes His attention and care.  We have to believe that when we go through grief and loss in our lives. 

Acceptance comes.  Acceptance goes as well unfortunately as we often recycle up to anger and denial and shock .  But I trust it gets better .  It certainly gets better with God.  Jesus was telling Martha this fact.  Mary did not seem to have a problem with it.  She sat at the feet of Jesus.    “ Mary chose the good part”  “ Martha thou art troubled and careful about many things…”  Some of us like to worry. We think it helps the situation.  I have a phd in worry I think.  What is your degree in?  We all need a degree in what Jesus is saying.  “ One thing is needed.”  Only one, not two.

What can you and I do to get to what Jesus is saying?  Ok.  I am not going to fill in the blank for you .  I am going to ask you and myself too, “ What am I doing to get there?”  Am I handling my anger in a godly way?  Am I listening to God first above all others?  Am I taking care of myself because God only issued me one body?  Do I know that acceptance from God is not something I have to earn and I do not deserve but He freely and graciously gives it to me .  I can rest in that.  I can rest in the loving purposes of God for my life and not worry about what is going on around me or what others are doing.  So what is keeping us from enjoying what God has given us in this life and enjoying Him forever ?